August 5, 2014: Dwelling on the Positive Although Brief

subway2

Today’s Perfect Moment is a brief awkwardness while boarding a subway train.  I took a place I most often do–leaning against the doors that won’t open for four stops.  Though I shouldn’t do it, as the advisory on the door tells me, I am a rebel. (It’s okay if you snort,  even I know this is minor rebellion, at best.).  I also know that four stops subway2later, the train will be much emptier, and moving to let people past msubway2e won’t be a huge hassle.

Occupying my favourite spot, I glace around the subway car, not expecting to make eye contact with anyone.  That’s when it happened.  Someone smiled at me, so I smiled back.  Then she smiled more….. then I became confused.  I worried that this was one of my students who I had already forgotten.  When I glanced back, she looked at me again.  Then I suddenly felt shy and awkward.  She got off at the next stop.

So, you’re probably wondering why I would consider this a perfect moment.  I didn’t talk to her, and I will probably never see her again.  Technically, I blew it.

I guess, the way I will look at these things is to divide them into two parts.  One part is the smile, and the beautiful awkward moment that ensued.  It felt good.  My self esteem got a boost and hopefully hers did too.

The other part is the failure to meet this person.  I could dwell on that, but that really isn’t the point.  There is no point in beating myself up over that.  Maybe I could have made a good enough impression in a couple of subway stops, maybe not.  I would rather focus on the positive one, rather than the negative one.

Odd as it sounds, being able to break these two up is something I would consider as progress.  There is going to be good and bad in life, but there is no sense in making the bad seem worse than the good.  It might be a zero net gain, but that also means it isn’t a loss.

Nevertheless, once I finish this, I will be checking the missed connections website.

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About Anthony

I am: equal parts rebel, romantic and shockingly average Joe. a writer trapped inside of an ESL teacher's body. an introverted attention seeker. a teacher who hopes one day to be called "Captain, my Captain." an intellectual who can do some very dumb things. a person whose Japan experience, despite being so long ago, still exerts a strong influence upon him. a lover of books, music, beer, hockey and Pizza.
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